Be warned!!!!

Got this on my daily feed from Writer`s Almanac...too good not to share.
cant decide on my favourite warning but "Shin pads cannot protect
any part of the body they do not cover" comes pretty close!


Warnings

by David Allen Sullivan

A can of self-defense pepper spray says it may
irritate the eyes, while a bathroom heater says it's
not to be used in bathrooms. I collect warnings
the way I used to collect philosophy quotes.

Wittgenstein's There's no such thing
as clear milk rubs shoulders with a box
of rat poison which has been found
to cause cancer in laboratory mice.

Levinas' Language is a battering ram—
a sign that says the very fact of saying,
is as inscrutable as the laser pointer's advice:
Do not look into laser with remaining eye.

Last week I boxed up the solemn row
of philosophy tomes and carted them down
to the used bookstore. The dolly read:
Not to be used to transport humans.

Did lawyers insist that the 13-inch wheel
on the wheelbarrow proclaim it's
not intended for highway use? Or that the
Curling iron is for external use only?

Abram says that realists render material
to give the reader the illusion of the ordinary.
What would he make of Shin pads cannot protect
any part of the body they do not cover?

I load boxes of books onto the counter. Flip
to a yellow-highlighted passage in Aristotle:
Whiteness which lasts for a long time is no whiter
than whiteness which lasts only a day.

A.A.'ers talk about the blinding glare
of the obvious: Objects in the mirror
are actually behind you, Electric cattle prod
only to be used on animals, Warning: Knives are sharp.

What would I have done without: Remove infant
before folding for storage, Do not use hair dryer
while sleeping, Eating pet rocks may lead to broken
teeth, Do not use deodorant intimately?

Goodbye to all those sentences that sought
to puncture the illusory world-like the warning
on the polyester Halloween outfit for my son:
Batman costume will not enable you to fly.

"Warnings" by David Allen Sullivan from Strong-Armed Angels. © Hummingbird Press, 2008.

Shopping pee!!

I think they sold clothes...amongst other things.
They had a stock of adult diapers, urine tract infection meds...hehe. No, I didnt find out. More fun this leaving it to one`s imagination, no?
Maybe Bruce Lee was copyrighted so they took the next best option...
Suggestions for this absurdity are welcome.

white water...rafting?

well its like water....and it IS white....but then there`s no use crying over spilt white water now is there?!

let the good times roll!

incase there was any doubt...this beer is brewed for GOOD TIMES ONLY.

hehe...took this with me fone while waiting for a table outside a soba place at lunch time earlier last month.

hurrah...i survived!

got through the first week of japanese classes...alive!!!....yay!

I haven't been in a class in three years almost..and then this week I have had to be in a class...after getting up at 6ish every morning in the cold...and commuting for one hour...20minutes of which is spent squashed against strangers in a packed train. yes, life is hard. Did i mention that each of those morning classes MON-FRI were all three hours each?


yeah so i cant wait to buy a carton (read get cans of beer out of vending machines) and celebrate my survival...but cant celebrate too much as allowance gets in mid Oct and a lot of us are going broke...so yeah.

also...got a stack of HOMEWORK for the weekend and two tests next week...that i KNOW of. so yeah..there goes the weekend.

Also...its going to be a tough 6months. Learning a foreign language...with three sets of alphabets...i have come to realise..is going to be difficult. but I am at 0 level so it can only go up from here.

so yeah. virtual fiji bitter cheers to the weekend...and posh who is celebrating his birthday!!! dammit, wish i were there!

one month...and counting

Wow...

for the first time in my life...I havent seen the sea in...30 days

...and counting.

sigh.

ｏｒ ａｍ ｉ ｊｕｓｔ ｅａｓｉｌｙ ａｍｕｓｅｄ？

Ｓｏ　Ｉ‘ｍ　ｓｔａｎｄｉｎｇ　ｉｎ　ｌｉｎｅ　ｗａｉｔｉｎｇ　ｔｏ　ｒｅｇｉｓｔｅｒ　ｆｏｒ　ｍｙ　Ｊａｐａｎｅｓｅ　ｃｌａｓｓｅｓ　ａｎｄ　ｔｈｅｒｅ　ａｒｅ　ｔｗｏ　Asian　ｇｉｒｌｓ　ｓｔａｎｄｉｎｇ　in front　ｏｆ　ｍｅ．Ｔｈｅｙ　ｓｐｅａｋ　ｅｎｏｕｇｈ　Ｅｎｇｌｉｓｈ　ｔｏ　ｍａｋｅ　ｓｍａｌｌ　ｔａｌｋ．Ｗｅ　ｂｉｔｃｈ　ａｂｏｕｔ　ｔｈｅ　ｗａｉｔｉｎｇ，　ｔｈｅ　ｂｕｒｅａｕｃｒａｃｙ　ｔｈａｔ　ｌｅａｄｓ　ｕｓ　ｔｏ　ｗａｉｔ　ｉｎ　ｌｉｎｅ，　ｔｈｅ　ｗｅａｔｈｅｒ　ｅｔｃ．　

Ｉｎｔｒｏｄｕｃｔｉｏｎｓ　ａｒｅ　ｉｎ　ｌｉｎｅ　ｓｏ　ｍａｙｂｅ　ｆｏｒ　ｔｈｅ　１０ｔｈ　ｔｉｍｅ　ｔｈａｔ　ｄａｙ　Ｉ　ｔｅｌｌ　ｓｏｍｅｏｎｅ　ｍｙ　ｎａｍｅ　ａｎｄ　ｗｈａｔ　ｃｏｕｎｔｒｙ　Ｉ　ａｍ　ｆｒｏｍ．　Ｔｈｅｓｅ　ｔｗｏ　ａｒｅ　ｆｒｏｍ　ａ　ｎｅｉｇｈｂｏｕｒｉｎｇ　Asian　ｃｏｕｎｔｒｙ　ａｓ　ｗｅｌｌ．

ｇｉｒｌ　１：　Ｈｉ　Ｉ‘ｍ　Ｗｅｎｄｙ！
ｇｉｒｌ２：　Ｈｉ　Ｉ‘ｍ　Ａｓｈｌｅｙ！

ｅｎｄ　ｏｆ　ｓｔｏｒｙ．

：）